“Why did I even start” is probably a better question!
I practiced law for 2.5 years after I graduated and passed the Missouri bar in 2006. I had no idea what I was in for.
Writing a post about why I left the law is tricky. I don’t completely point my finger at the law firm I worked for after I graduated, at myself due to my personal preferences, or at the general malaise of law firm life – I know that my leaving the law was a combination of those things together.
That being said, here’s the gist of why I left, and why I haven’t gone back:
- Lack of work-life balance
I could give concrete examples of my experience to prove how out of whack a lawyer’s work-life balance is. But my specific examples are no different than the majority of lawyers: they have no personal life. Vacation is discouraged and often weekends are spent working. You go into work early and leave late. Yes, you can always take work home, but law firms are very traditional and it is more important to be physically at the office.
In order to be a successful lawyer, it really helps if you are more of the live-to-work type than the work-to-live type. I learned that I was more the latter type. At least, I thought I was when work was something I hated.
The firm I worked for had rather “mild” hours compared to some others. However, the easier hours were perhaps a compensation for the constant pressures to bring in more clients and the billable hour standards.
This is going to shock a lot of people, but most lawyers don’t get paid what you think they do. I’m not lying – some lawyers ARE paid very well. But a lot of lawyers don’t get paid more than you. My husband, a computer engineer, made much more than I did. Money isn’t everything to me, but spending a lot of time at the office and leaving with the paycheck that I got was not worth it to me. While my bank account sees less money now than it did when I was practicing law, I make more per hour.
Being a lawyer is like being a warrior in a suit. Every day, you prepare for battle. I was in court almost every single day. I was in depositions every week. But I hated conflict. I enjoyed settling cases much more than I did arguing with opposing counsel. Often, I faced middle-aged men that seemed to think they could bully me. What they didn’t know was that I couldn’t be bullied, but bickering with them made me start to hate practicing law even more. I noticed that fighting back against bullies was making my life more difficult. But I didn’t have much choice in my position. It’s not news that lawyers are awful. But for some reason it was for me. Nowadays, I feel a little cheeky when I call myself a quick learner…
Not long after I left the law, I took theStrengthsfinder personality test. The test tells you what your strengths are. My first strength was “Harmony.” In other words, I hate conflict. Before I went to law school, I wanted to be a judge. To be a judge, you need to practice law for quite a while. Life lesson: Doing something you hate for 60 hours a week for several years, just for the chance to do something you might like, is a bad idea. In many situations, I am able to advocate for both sides. You would think this makes me a good advocate – instead, it made me see the other side no matter what side I was on. This is a strength, however, in fields other than advocacy.
It didn’t take long before I realized there was something incredibly wrong with my career choice. Every night I woke up in the middle of the night, sometimes several times, worried about one of my cases – sometimes it would be a totally random case, or one that had a hearing that day.
As I became more responsible for cases, jury trial dates loomed on my calendar – that meant I would be responsible for trying cases by myself. This is the natural order of things. Some lawyers might complain that they don’t get enough courtroom experience; personally, I would have liked a MUCH longer period of getting my feet wet before I dove in. That’s just how I am.
I didn’t talk about my anxiety much though, so it came as a surprise to my family and maybe some of my friends and definitely the firm I worked for. The month leading up to my resignation was one of the worst experiences in my career. I had been trying to “make do” for about a year, when one day I realized that twice that week I had driven home sobbing because I hated my job so much. I realized that I was going to have to leave my job and waiting around longer for things to get better wasn’t an option anymore.
I didn’t wake up one day and decide to leave. I had woken up every day for two and a half of years and decided not to quit that day.It was time to stop making that decision.
Frequently Asked Questions:
- Why don’t you be a mediator? A: For the same reason it would be impossible for me to be a judge. This is a position that requires many more years of advocacy experience, and that is not a cost I am willing to pay.
- Why don’t you go into another field of law?A: I was in litigation primarily, so this is a fair question. I got experience in many different practice areas (I am truly grateful for that). To be a non-litigator, or transactional type lawyer, I would have had to start afresh in a new field. This is tough to do at any time. I thought about this while I was in litigation. However, I am not sure I would have enjoyed this either; the practice areas I touched in litigation were the areas that I liked in law school the most. All that said, if the opportunity to engage in transactional law came to me, I would consider it. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard of any opportunities. Perhaps the recruiters have lost my phone number. (That was sarcasm.)
- Are you going to go back and practice?A: No. However, I’m about as sure about that as I was about practicing law in the first place, so I’ve learned to never say never and never say always.
I am currently licensed, active, but not practicing.
- What do you do now? A: I’m a technical writer for the IT department of a large St. Louis-based company. I like it because I get to use my writing and logical thinking skills. Also, I think I am a perennial student. This job lets me learn new things – there is always something new for me to learn about technology. It’s another reason I like blogging – I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most of the time. I work full-time, 40 hours a week. The IT field is considerably less stressful than the legal field. That makes for a happy Michelle.
- Why did you go to law school in the first place?A: I guess it started with being on the debate team in high school. I liked abstract thinking, writing, and I wasn’t afraid of public speaking. I had a knack for writing especially, but I never thought I would be able to cut it as a writer. So I thought law was the more bankable option. It was a cop out.
- Isn’t that a lot of time/money/investment to just throw it away?A: I don’t really think this is a question, just a judgment. And if there is a single person out there who hasn’t spent time and/or money on something and not had it work out the way they planned, please, let me know who you are – that should go in the Guinness Book of World Records. Seriously – break ups, divorces, career changes, movie flops, business failures, happen every day. Shit happens. I’m only one of thousands of law school graduates every year who decided that law was a bad idea. Check out JD Underground. Happy lawyers are a minority. It is not my fault that being a lawyer is a total disappointment. I do take responsibility for not knowing better in advance. Live and learn.
- Was your family supportive?A: I am extremely lucky to have an incredibly supportive family. Mark was extremely supportive. Obviously, he knew the most about my daily anguish – my stress came home with me. My parents and other family members were surprised, I think. Sometimes I think people get used to seeing you a certain way, and defining you by your career. That’s especially true with lawyers, doctors, nurses, firefighters, and many other professional specialties. I think it makes people a little bit uncomfortable to define you as something different. The shock just takes a bit to wear off.
- What about law school debt?A: I went to a state law school where I qualified as a resident, however, I still have law school debt. I continue to pay my loans. I do accept charity.
If you have more questions, please ask away!